The 5 Stepping Stones in a Long-Lasting Relationship
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Written by: Jonette Dyer
Few people jump into a romantic relationship with both feet, going from acquaintance to fully committed couple nearly instantaneously. It takes time and effort to build the kinds of bonds that lead to lasting romance. Along the way, you’ll go through several stages. Yet beyond the stages, you also experience 5 stepping stones in a relationship, and understanding those will help you build a relationship based on trust, romance, and love.
What is the Meaning of Stepping Stones in Relationships?
You probably already know what a stepping stone is. In relationships, stepping stones serve a similar purpose as they serve in your garden. They take you, little by little, down the path until you get where you want to go. Along the way, you get the opportunity to overcome the obstacles and personality issues that occur in every relationship, so you’ll build a relationship that is deep and connected.
Stages of a Relationship
Stepping stones are easy to confuse with the stages of a relationship, but they aren't quite the same thing. Before we discuss the stepping stones, let’s review the stages of a relationship:
1. Attraction
The first stage is when the people in a relationship notice each other and start dating. This is when the couple starts getting to know each other to determine if the relationship will progress further.
2. Marriage
Marriage or long-term commitment is the second stage. This is where you commit to spending your future together.
3. Honeymoon
The honeymoon phase has nothing to do with a trip and everything to do with the emotions. This is the period when you plan romantic activities and trips and feel like your life with your person is perfect.
4. Doubts
After the honeymoon phase, which lasts about two years, real life sets in. You might have kids, you will have bills, and you will have work responsibilities. Becoming too absorbed in these things can lead to doubts about your relationships.
5. Stability
Couples that get through the doubts phase will enter stability. This is where you are confident in your partner’s love and commitment to you, and you feel the same way. While you won’t have as many dates and romantic outings, you will feel a strong sense of commitment to each other.
What are the 5 Stepping Stones in a Relationship?
The 5 stepping stones in a relationship work alongside the stages, but they are a little different. They may overlap the five stages, but they don’t have to align with them perfectly. Understanding the stepping stones is helpful as you build a lasting relationship built on trust.
1. Emotional Bond
The first stepping stone is building an emotional bond. This emotional bond creates a huge hormonal shift and the biochemical reactions that draw you toward the other person.
While it may start with a physical attraction, it quickly moves to an emotional intimacy as you spend time together and build a friendship.
This bond is essential to creating a strong, lasting relationship. If you feel that a relationship has potential, spend some time on this stepping stone. The emotional connection will pull you through challenging times with ease.
2. Recognizing Underlying Insecurities
Everyone has insecurities, but if you don't address them, they can derail your relationship as a couple. Insecurities may be within yourself, or they may be about your relationship. You may question the depth of the other person’s love and commitment, or you may doubt your own ability to be a good partner.
While you are working through this stepping stone, you will quickly come to realize that your partner isn’t perfect. However, don’t let this keep you from the relationship. You aren’t perfect, either, and it’s our imperfections that make us human. You can also learn how to turn your weaknesses into strengths so you can become your best self while helping your partner do the same.
3. Challenges and Letdowns
After you identify and address our insecurities, your work isn’t over. At some point, you will have to see your partner with all of their flaws and quirks, and they will see you this way as well. This can lead to challenges in your relationship.
Sometimes, the challenges are emotional. You may feel unloved or overlooked. You may even feel rejected when physical intimacy dwindles. Sometimes, the challenges are financial as you work to merge your finances and learn to handle a budget. You may even have external challenges, such as medical problems or adding children to the relationship.
Your brain may be hard-wired to look at the negatives at this point, but try to look past those to find the silver lining. Look for the positives in the challenges and letdowns and in your partner.
4. Deciding Resilience
After working through the challenges and letdowns in the previous stepping stone, you come to a decision point. Is this relationship one that you are ready to commit to for a lifetime, or is it time to move on? If you can learn to embrace forgiveness and love while also accepting your partner’s faults, you may be ready to decide on resilience and move forward as a couple.
5. Wholehearted Love
The final stepping stone is a lifetime of love and commitment.
This is the stage that older couples who have been together for decades have embraced. It requires forgiveness, love, intimacy, and balance. It also requires the two people to become each other’s emotional support for a lifetime.
This is a love worth fighting for, and it’s also a love worth traveling the stepping stones to achieve. You can’t jump into wholehearted love without stepping through the rest of the stepping stones. Take your time because this is a place worth landing.
How Jonette Can Help You Flourish in Your Relationships
Building relationships is hard work, and sometimes, you’ll find that you need a little guidance along the way. Jonette’s coaching services can help you travel through these five stepping stones with grace and clarity while also working on yourself to bring your best self to the table of the relationship you choose. Jonette Dyer Coaching offers
relationship coaching,
personal coaching,
life coaching, and
mental health coaching to help you become a healthy, balanced individual, no matter where your relationships end up.
Learn more about Jonette, and then
start your journey to mental health today.
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