How To Set Smart Goals for Your Relationships
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Like all things in life, relationships need solid goals in order to survive and thrive. You and significant others can become and remain close through sharing goals and working together on the steps required to achieve them. One of the best goal-setting systems is based around the SMART goal-setting system. But what is it, and how does it work?
What are SMART Goals?
A smart goal is specific. To set specific smart goals for relationships, you must be specific, you must clearly answer the who, what, when, where and why of what you’re trying to accomplish.
It must also be measurable. There must be a way to measure progress, and keep track of how far you’ve come, and how much further you need to go. This can be attained through a series of smaller goals, or a tracking system that monitors your progress.
Perhaps most importantly, a SMART goal has to be achievable. You can work as hard and as diligently as possible, but if your goal isn’t achievable, it won’t matter. This goes back to being honest with yourself about what is realistic, and what isn’t.
In order to stay focused on a goal, it has to be relevant to you and your life in some way. It has to matter to you. If you don’t care about your goal, why would you put forth the effort required to achieve it?
Finally, a SMART goal is time-based. This means you’ve laid out a clear timeframe for yourself about when the goal should be accomplished. You should set a deadline and stick to it. Otherwise, goals can continue to be delayed until eventually you’re no longer working towards them.
Why are Smart Goals Necessary for Relationships?
SMART Goals are dually necessary in the setting of a relationship. First, goals are necessary to keep things moving forward. If you have no goals, you may feel stuck in one place, spinning your wheels, dissatisfied with life.
However, in a relationship, having agreed upon shared goals with your partner, you can work together towards common wants and needs, forcing you to work together towards a mutual goal, and to stay focused on what really matters most to the both of you.
Examples of Smart Goals for Communication and Relationship Building
Every relationship is different, and every couple has unique goals, wants, and needs. Build off of these to identify your goals and use the SMART goals system to make sure you can achieve them. Here are just a few examples of how goal setting can keep your relationship open, honest, and full of adventure and fun.
Saving Money for a Vacation
Maybe there’s a vacation destination you and your partner have always wanted to visit but haven’t had the money to make it happen yet. Once you clearly settle on your dream vacation destination, you can set a realistic date by which you’d like this destination. This can be based on your current finances, work schedule, and more.
Next, set measurable goals. Commit to setting aside a certain amount of money each week to pay for your trip. Once you’ve saved enough money, book your trip, and enjoy the sweetness of having set a goal and achieved it.
Setting Time Aside to Go On a Date Night Regularly
Not every goal has to be grandiose or expensive. Perhaps you and your spouse feel distant, or like you don’t get to spend enough time together as you’d like. Set the goal to go on a regularly scheduled date night.
Depending on your schedule, this could mean once a week, once a month, or several times per year. Take turns choosing destinations/date activities, so each of you feels equally heard and supported. Choose outings that realistically fit within your budget, and if there’s something to do that is currently out of your price range, use the SMART goals system to save up for it.
Minimize Financial Conflicts
So many relationship disagreements come down to money and finance. To avoid this, it’s important to be realistic and upfront with one another about your finances. You should both know how much money you have saved, what your bank accounts look like, and how your bills stack up each month.
Together, you can set goals for reducing debt and saving more. You can also decide what your financial goals are and use the SMART system to stay focused on the end goal, rather than getting distracted by side wants or impulse buys.
Settle Disputes Before Bed
One of the best ways to keep a relationship healthy is to promise one another to never go to bed angry. This may seem nearly impossible at times, but if you both agree to make this a priority, it can make a massive difference in your relationship.
Sharing Responsibilities in the House/Chores
Chores and household responsibilities can become a thorn in the side of any relationship. Often one partner feels like they’re pulling all the weight, while the other spouse seems to get away with doing much less.
The first step here is to clearly communicate with one another, addressing how you’d like responsibilities to be shared. Set realistic goals, and relocate household chores in a way that is sustainable, makes sense, and makes both parties happy. In order to stick to your goals, at least until they become habits, you can use tools like a chore calendar, task wheel, or checklist to ensure everyone holds up their responsibilities.
Workout Together
If losing weight, toning up, building muscle, or maintaining cardiovascular health are goals you share, working out together can be a wonderful way to support one another’s goals, as well as develop a shared interest, and spend quality time together.
While your end goals may different, serving as one another’s support system won’t only make your goals more easily achievable, but you will also become closer as a couple.
Spend Time Apart from One Another
Even though you’re part of a couple, you’re still an individual person with their own unique wants and needs. You don’t need to spend every second with your spouse, or partner. In fact, it’s healthy to spend some time on your own, filling up your own well, and working towards any individual SMART goals you’ve been able to identify.
This way, you don’t have to force your partner to participate in things that don’t appeal to them, while still getting to enjoy the things that light you up inside.
Put Partner First When Making Decisions
A good rule for SMART goals specifically, and relationships in general, is to put your partner first when making decisions. You’re in a relationship because you love or care about this other person. One way to show them they matter is to put them first, rather than always tending to your own needs and wants first.
This may have to be deliberately thought of and executed at first, but over time, putting your partner first will become second nature to you, as it should for them, as well.
How to Use Smart Goals in Relationships
Using SMART goals in your relationship can bring you and your partner closer together by identifying things that are important to both of you, and work together to obtain or achieve them.
How a Relationship Coach Can Help You Build Smart Goals
Through her experience as a life coach, family coach, and relationship coach, Jonette Dyer can help you and your partner leverage SMART goals to improve and strengthen your relationship. Her work as a mental health coach can help you both get to the bottom of an issue that may be holding you back, so you can continue down the path to relationship success, by identifying and working toward your mutual goals. Contact Jonette Dyer to begin your journey today.
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